Keepin' it Real is Not Always Pretty

I’ve struggled with my weight most of my life, so last year (2024), I decided to invest in myself and got a personal trainer.

The thought process was simple: I’m an entrepreneur. If I get sick, I don’t produce—and my family depends on me to make this money. So, let’s get me in shape so I can live a long, healthy life. Easy, right?

Not.

I committed to strength training 3 times a week with Jake and Sam from Bodyfit by S&J. I went. I struggled. I hated it. I loved it. It was therapy 3x a week. We worked on my form, my strength—and sure enough, I got better and stronger.

*Photo: September 23, 2024

BUT (and this is a big BUT): even though I showed up to train every week, I didn’t do the rest of the work. I didn’t do cardio (I thought farm work was enough). I didn’t eat properly or watch calories and macros. I wasn’t all in.

It hadn’t clicked in my brain—or my body. The mental shift hadn’t happened. I still felt like my body betrayed me. Looking at a muffin felt like enough to make me gain weight. (And somehow, it always did.)

In all the manifesting and spiritual work I’ve done, it hadn’t sunk in on the fitness side. So of course, if I believed everything I ate—or even looked at—would make me fat… guess what happened?

Exactly.
I gained weight. Or my body held on to the fat like its life depended on it.

And it probably did.
I’d been yo-yo dieting for so long, my body didn’t trust me with its next meal.

I’ve spent 30+ years starving it, binging, then starving it again. Hating it. Loving it. Thanking it for growing my babies. But never really understanding it.

I’ve done all the diets: South Beach, HCG, Keto, Carnivore, Whole30.
I’ve used Ozempic.

Yes, they all “work.”
But as soon as you get to where you want to be? You gain it all back—and then some.

So, what do you think happened?
I spent 10 months and a few thousand dollars… and still found myself weighing more.

Granted—I was stronger. I could lift more. I had more endurance.
But I still weighed the same.

Had I been 100% committed, I probably could’ve lost 50 lbs or more. I didn’t want to be over 200 lbs anymore. I mean, I look fabulous and carry it well—but no one wants to be over 200 lbs.

So, what was the “come to Jesus” moment?

It was a combo of things:

• Spending a ton of money and not losing weight. I was pissed at myself—like, really? I could’ve gone on a vacation with the fam.
• Instagram’s algorithm (yes, the only good thing about it) started showing me how exercises help with mobility and simple stuff—like picking up a gallon of milk or reaching into the cupboard when you are old. It’s the difference between being an independent 70 yr old or stuck needing help for simple tasks (like using the restroom).
• Finding real women on social media who looked like me before they lost the weight. Not just fitness models.
• Doing all the weird diets—21-day fasting, keto, carnivore, calorie-counting—and realizing none of them are sustainable for me.

Then two things happened:

1. I told myself: If they can do it, so can I.
   I activated my inner project manager—I’m my biggest project, and I can push myself to whatever goal I set.
2. All the fasting and dieting taught me to listen to my body.
   I realized I had been running an experiment.

I’m not going to be the one preaching supplements, counting calories, or tracking macros. I hate it. I did it for a week and realized those two burger patties I love?
440 calories each.
No wonder I was stuck. And that’s before the bun, sauce, and all the fixings.

But if you give it a try, even just for a week—it’s eye-opening. You see the truth about what you eat and what it does compared to what you burn. Like, broooo—why are two beef patties 440 calories each??!

Once you start seeing food as calories, your mindset shifts.

The game is a calorie deficit.

You won’t catch me in the kitchen meal prepping quinoa or measuring my macros, but once you learn how many calories are in the foods you love, you start making different choices. You learn what’s worth it.

I follow this fitness lady and she casually ate a muffin before her workout. People freaked. Like—how?!

But she had worked that muffin into her macros.
That muffin motivated her to stay consistent.

And that’s when it hit me:
It’s not all or nothing.
You can have the cake and eat it too—as long as you move your body.

So yeah, it took me 10 months (with no weight loss to show for it) to figure this out.

But I’m glad I took the scenic route.

• I got stronger
• I learned proper form
• I built confidence to show up at my small-town gym
• I installed a wider bike seat (thanks to a Peloton mom) so I could actually enjoy cardio
• I binged Netflix during cardio to make it fun
• I watched my heart rate and learned about zones
• I moved from in-person training to app-based personalized workouts
• I stretched the crap out of this 43-year-old body
• I bought gadgets to help with my plantar fasciitis
• I learned time is not linear—and my morning workouts are non-negotiable
• I told myself: that email can wait
• I don’t wake up at 5am to work out… but if I wake up, I work out. Feed the animals (we live on a farm), and I get to it.

It took 10 months, but now? I miss my workout if I don’t do it.

I’m planning workouts around my next conference trip.

And now I get it. Why people do this. Why they give up hours a week.
It’s a need, not just a habit. It’s like… adrenaline and therapy all in one.

It took me 10 months, but my workouts are non-negotiable—and I move my body every day. On the days I don’t? I feel it.

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And in some magical way, the moment the mindset shifted, the pounds started to shed.

I’ve made more progress in the last 8 weeks than I did all year.
I’ve lost 8 lbs. I’m strong. I weigh more than when I started—but the photos show it: I have less fat, and my clothes fit better. (Hello, muscle weighs more than fat.)

Mindset-wise? I have to trust the process.
I have to manifest this like I do everything else.
I have to embody the healthy, fit mom of 4 I imagine myself to be.

And yeah, that also includes:

• Eating the cookie
• Having the beer
• Making sure everything else follows some kind of low-cal, wholesome plan (no processed foods)

The Lord knows I love beans and platanos, and I’ll never give them up.

I’m eating whole foods, drinking responsibly (hello, low-carb, low-cal drinks), and still losing weight.

But I also strength train 3–4x a week.
And I do cardio every single day.

That’s what finally clicked.
And now?
I’m all in.